Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Relationships & Triggers

Couple experiencing attachment issues in relationship

If you have been following along in our most recent blogs, we have been talking all about attachment theory. In the last blog, I introduced the four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. In today’s blog we will expound on how each attachment style manifests in relationships. And just for clarity, I mean all relationships—relationships between spouses, between friends, between co-workers. No relationship is exempt. Additionally, we will explore common attachment triggers and how insecure attachment styles can move toward secure attachment.  Manifestations of Attachment Styles in Relationships  Secure Attachment  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships according to attachment theory. Securely attached adults are aware of their own emotions and emotional needs. They have established ways of...

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Why Premarital Counseling Should Be In Your Wedding Budget

premarital counseling

According to a CNN report published in June of 2023, the national average wedding cost was $29,000. Wedding vendors are expected to increase their prices to meet economic demands, causing the overall cost of weddings to rise in 2024.  If you or someone you know is engaged and preparing for marriage, consider the value premarital counseling can have on the marriage beyond the wedding day. I’m not saying that the other expenses involved in planning a wedding are frivolous—my husband and I don’t regret the things we chose to invest in for our big day.  What I am saying is that allocating a portion of funds toward premarital counseling is an investment worth making during your engagement season! Premarital counseling...

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The Pursuer-Distancer Pattern of Communication

pursuer-distancer

Most couples struggle with communication at some point in their relationship.  It’s normal for couples to come into session and really have a hard time working through conflict and disagreements.  Sometimes it’s as though they can’t even work through the simplest of disagreements.  Obviously, this is discouraging and scary to couples who want better for their relationship. In fact, there is a pattern called the Pursuer-Distancer that can help explain the dance that happens between couples.  Today I’m going to talk about what this looks like, and how to work together to be healthier in your communication with one another. The Pursuer Let’s meet Karen.  Karen is a pursuer.  She likes to deal with conflict in the moment.  Karen will...

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5 Ways to Successfully Navigate Money Issues in Marriage

money marriage carmel indiana

Money is definitely the number one topic that couples fight about.  Why is this?  Money is complicated.  It’s necessary to have money in order to live.  It’s necessary to make money.  And it’s often difficult to be on the same page as your partner when it comes to your views about money. It’s very typical to have one person in a marriage that is the Saver, and one that is the Spender.  This automatically creates conflict.  When one person wants to save (for the future, emergencies, rainy days), and the other wants to live and enjoy life by spending money, a conflict will ensue. So how do you successfully navigate money in your marriage?  Today I’m going to discuss some...

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Are You a Good Friend?

friend

What makes someone a good friend?  A good friend is reliable, trustworthy, and honest.  They love you enough to be a listening ear, but care enough to call you out on unhealthy behaviors.  They live life with you in community through the ups and downs.  They’re present and show forgiveness and grace. We all have those “friends”.  You know what I mean.  The friends who are flaky, unreliable, and unavailable.  The one who commits to plans, but you know will probably back out last second.  Maybe the friend is a surface-level friend, meaning that you only talk about the weather and your kids’ activities, but never anything deep.  What about that friend that takes and takes, but never gives in...

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8 Fair Fighting Rules for Couples

fair fighting

All couples fight.  It’s inevitable!  But do you and your partner know how to fight fair?  This week on the blog I’m going to discuss some Rules for Fair Fighting.  It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, and say and do things that are hurtful and damaging.  The following Fair Fighting Rules can help your disagreements be productive and conflict resolved quicker: I-Messages The best way to talk about Fair Fighting Rules is to discuss the way you start a conversation.  I talk a lot with couples about the difference between an I-Message and a You-Message.  A You-Message is blaming, attacking, and critical.  It sounds a little like this: “You never take the trash out...

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12 Reasons Why Marriage Counseling Can Help

marriage counseling

We live in a time where it’s very easy to put the most important things on the back burner.  When we look at our list of priorities, often nurturing our marriage gets pushed to the bottom of the list.  Today I want to talk to you completely unfiltered about why Marriage Counseling can help you. The reasons that couples start Marriage Counseling can look different from couple to couple.  I’m going to attempt to address some of the most popular reasons why couples come through my door: Communication problems Do you find yourself struggling to communicate with your spouse?  Do you have the same fights over and over again, with no resolution?  Marriage Counseling can help you learn to talk...

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Let’s Talk About Sex

sex

Can it be awkward to talk to your spouse about your sex?  Absolutely!  We all want to think that we have everything figured out sexually and that our spouses are completely satisfied.  Many couples enter into a marriage expecting that things in the bedroom will just happen or have a way of working themselves out.  Obviously, this is not always the case. I often ask couples to look at it from this perspective: Would you rather endure a few possibly uncomfortable conversations or a lifetime of being unhappy or unsatisfied in your sex life?  By following these suggestions and opening dialogue between you and your spouse, you can assure you are moving intimacy in a more enjoyable and fulfilling direction...

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How to Set Boundaries in a Relationship

boundaries

What Are Boundaries? Boundaries exist so that we can teach others the expectations, rules, and limits we have.  Boundaries also communicate what our emotional needs are.  They exist to keep bad things out of our relationships and good things in. Boundaries allow us to say “I’m ok/not ok with that”.  They provide a layer of protection to a relationship.  If boundaries have never been discussed or established, there is a good chance that invisible lines have been crossed many times.  There may be a lot of hurt and conflict in the relationship, but very little understanding on how to resolve it. How many times have you said “Yes” to something and really meant “No”?  Boundaries help us to say “No”...

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