Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Propose

propose

We are coming into the holiday season, which means that lots of people will be getting engaged soon.  If you plan to propose soon or believe your partner may be, I want you to take a second to consider if this is the right fit for you, or even the right time.  In a time period where the divorce rate for first marriages is 50% and rising, you want to make sure you are making the right decision for both of you. As someone who works with a lot of couples in many different stages of relationships (dating, engaged, married, divorcing), I meet a lot of couples who rushed into marriage without understanding the commitment they were making.  My hope...

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The Pursuer-Distancer Pattern of Communication

pursuer-distancer

Most couples struggle with communication at some point in their relationship.  It’s normal for couples to come into session and really have a hard time working through conflict and disagreements.  Sometimes it’s as though they can’t even work through the simplest of disagreements.  Obviously, this is discouraging and scary to couples who want better for their relationship. In fact, there is a pattern called the Pursuer-Distancer that can help explain the dance that happens between couples.  Today I’m going to talk about what this looks like, and how to work together to be healthier in your communication with one another. The Pursuer Let’s meet Karen.  Karen is a pursuer.  She likes to deal with conflict in the moment.  Karen will...

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Do You Have Adult ADHD?

adult ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (also known as ADHD) is commonly diagnosed in children.  However, it’s also extremely common for adults to be diagnosed with Adult ADHD.  In the past, ADHD was overlooked or misdiagnosed, and so there are many adults who have it, yet have never been properly identified.  Other adults may have adult-onset ADHD, meaning it did not occur until they were older. Today I’m going to discuss ADHD symptoms, types, and treatment.  My hope is that if you identify with or relate to any of the following, that you may be able to pursue some help. Adult ADHD Symptoms ADHD symptoms can include lack of organization, losing things, and impulsive behavior (spending money, making rash decisions, etc.).  It...

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5 Ways to Guard Your Marriage from Infidelity

marriage counseling in carmel, indiana

We live in a day and age where it can be difficult to keep your marriage safe.  Everything is fast-paced, and we are too busy.  Sometimes the busyness of the day-to-day can make you forget to focus on and protect your marriage.  It's a very slippery slope when there are many outside pressures and temptations that can impact your marriage negatively.  Today I’m going to talk about some simple ways to guard against infidelity.  My hope is that you may see some areas where the two of you can work to improve and protect your marriage. Opposite Sex Boundaries Having boundaries in marriage is sometimes a controversial topic.  Boundaries are meant to protect yourselves and your marriage, not control or...

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5 Ways to Successfully Navigate Money Issues in Marriage

money marriage carmel indiana

Money is definitely the number one topic that couples fight about.  Why is this?  Money is complicated.  It’s necessary to have money in order to live.  It’s necessary to make money.  And it’s often difficult to be on the same page as your partner when it comes to your views about money. It’s very typical to have one person in a marriage that is the Saver, and one that is the Spender.  This automatically creates conflict.  When one person wants to save (for the future, emergencies, rainy days), and the other wants to live and enjoy life by spending money, a conflict will ensue. So how do you successfully navigate money in your marriage?  Today I’m going to discuss some...

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5 Reasons Why You Should Slow Down that Engagement

engagement premarital counseling Carmel Indiana

It’s wedding season, which means we are in the thick of bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and wedding ceremonies.  I’ve even noticed an uptick in conversations about weddings in my counseling sessions!  People who are not yet married are seeing all the hustle and bustle of planning a wedding, and often wishing that could be them.  Being around weddings can make women especially dream about their own engagement and wedding. While this time of the year is sweet and lovely and full of fairy tales, it’s also important to discuss the reality of a marriage.  Once a couple is engaged, there is often a rush to the church alter, without a lot of time to process the leap both are getting...

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What is SYMBIS for Marriage, and Why is it Important?

SYMBIS premarital counseling Carmel Indiana

I’m very excited to announce that I recently became a certified instructor for SYMBIS.  SYMBIS stands for Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts.  It is an evidenced-based premarital counseling tool developed by authors and therapists Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. What is SYMBIS? SYMBIS is an online tool that allows engaged or newly married couples (or even couples who have been married for a while!) to log on individually and take an assessment.  The assessment has many questions about personality, upbringing, attitudes towards money, sex, and much, much more.  It then creates a print out with the results.  I receive the results and set up a minimum of 6 sessions to go over any strengths, weaknesses, or caution flags that...

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12 Toxic Habits That Kill Relationships

habits

We all have unhealthy habits in our romantic relationships or marriages.  However, there are definitely some behaviors that are considered more “toxic” or dangerous to the relationship long-term.  If you find yourself or your partner falling into any of the following habits, you may want to consider reaching out for help!  Many of the habits listed below could lead to major issues and a toxic relationship between the two of you. Control Do you have equal power in your relationship?  There are a few reasons why this is important.  One, you need to have equal say and decision-making power.  Two, your relationship is a team.  If you find yourself having less than 50% power, it may be time to re-evaluate....

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What to Do Immediately After an Affair Is Discovered

affair

When an affair is discovered, it is devastating.  It’s not unusual to feel in shock, anger, rage, depression, or even hopeless.  Sometimes the initial shock can be paralyzing.  Every person’s initial reaction is a little different.  This blog, in particular, is for those whose spouses have committed infidelity. There’s not necessarily a handbook or step-by-step manual of what to do next.  What I can tell you is that there are some steps that need to be taken quickly.  The following tips are what I have learned in my years of practice, and what I would encourage anyone to do should you discover your partner has been unfaithful. Disclaimer: Keep in mind, if you are in an abusive situation, these do...

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10 Easy Ways to Increase Intimacy

intimacy

It can be very difficult after so much time together to keep intimacy as a priority.  Between kids, your career, extra-curricular activities, and running a household, oftentimes intimacy can easily get put on the back burner.  If you find yourself in a rut, I want to suggest a few ways to improve your communication and work towards better intimacy.  It can improve with intentionality and time! First, let’s define what intimacy is and isn’t.  Intimacy is sex, but that’s not all.  Intimacy is the deep, emotional connection you have with your partner.  It’s the stability, the comfort, and the familiar.  Intimacy is knowing each other inside and out, and accepting each other—flaws and all!  Intimacy makes a healthy sexual life...

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