Blog

Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Relationships & Triggers

Couple experiencing attachment issues in relationship

If you have been following along in our most recent blogs, we have been talking all about attachment theory. In the last blog, I introduced the four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. In today’s blog we will expound on how each attachment style manifests in relationships. And just for clarity, I mean all relationships—relationships between spouses, between friends, between co-workers. No relationship is exempt. Additionally, we will explore common attachment triggers and how insecure attachment styles can move toward secure attachment.  Manifestations of Attachment Styles in Relationships  Secure Attachment  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships according to attachment theory. Securely attached adults are aware of their own emotions and emotional needs. They have established ways of...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Attachment Styles

Attachment styles and forming relationships

In our previous blog, we started an exploration of attachment theory. I gave a very brief overview of the origins of attachment theory and introduced the notion that attachment styles act as interpretative lenses through which we view our relationships.  Today we are going to unpack each attachment style in more depth. For each of the attachment styles, we will explore its development, core beliefs, and common characteristics.  Secure Attachment Style According to The Attachment Project, the secure attachment style is the most common type of attachment in western society—suggesting approximately 66% of the U.S. population is securely attached.  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships.  Development  All infants are born with innate needs that they cannot satisfy on...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: The Basics

Early attachment with parents

Have you ever wondered why you repeatedly overanalyze interactions with other people? Or why you and your spouse have repeatedly argued over your tendency to downplay relationship milestones? Or why you constantly send text messages to your best friend to make sure they aren’t mad at you?  All of these behaviors can be traced back to attachment.  Today’s blog is the first in a series of blogs where we will explore attachment theory. Attachment theory offers valuable insight about ourselves and how we form relationships. Let’s dive in to the origins of attachment theory and its significance to counseling.  Attachment Theory  Famously known as the first attachment theorist, British psychologist John Bowlby wanted to understand how the earliest emotional bonds...

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Why Premarital Counseling Should Be In Your Wedding Budget

premarital counseling

According to a CNN report published in June of 2023, the national average wedding cost was $29,000. Wedding vendors are expected to increase their prices to meet economic demands, causing the overall cost of weddings to rise in 2024.  If you or someone you know is engaged and preparing for marriage, consider the value premarital counseling can have on the marriage beyond the wedding day. I’m not saying that the other expenses involved in planning a wedding are frivolous—my husband and I don’t regret the things we chose to invest in for our big day.  What I am saying is that allocating a portion of funds toward premarital counseling is an investment worth making during your engagement season! Premarital counseling...

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Mindfulness: Practicing Presence

Woman practicing mindfulness

“I want you to focus all your attention on being present in this moment.”  This was the challenge that my friend John gave to a room full of middle and high school students. Every other week on Wednesday evenings, my husband and I spend time volunteering at a local youth ministry. At nearly every gathering there is an allotted time in the evening when an adult will share a lesson with the students. John was the one giving the lesson this particular evening.  John continued on, “I really want you to focus on this moment. Where you are, what you see, what you feel, what you hear.” The room went silent…for just a moment. Breaking the silence, John said, “And...

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Procrastination 101

Effects of procrastination

Nothing exposes my procrastination quite like the holiday season. Every year I have aspirations of getting my gift shopping done earlier and sending cute family Christmas cards in the mail. I tell myself, this Christmas I’m going to be on top of things. Yet, despite my noble intentions, here we are…another Christmas is quickly approaching and I still have gifts to buy and no cards to send.  While the holiday season seems to magnify my procrastination, the truth is that procrastination creeps its way into my best-laid plans and ambitions year-round. My hunch is that I’m not alone.  Whether you find yourself putting off schoolwork, ignoring financial obligations, avoiding decisions, or postponing work projects, habitual procrastination can potentially lead to...

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From Comparative Suffering to Compassion

Showing Compassion

Let me paint a scene for you. Two friends (let’s call them Carrie and Melissa) are grabbing lunch together and here’s what their conversation sounds like:  Carrie: You won’t believe what happened in our staff meeting this morning. My boss just handed me a huge project that she wants done by the end of this week. I’ll have to stay late tomorrow night to finish it in time, which means I’m going to miss my daughter’s volleyball game.  Melissa: You think that’s bad?! You have no idea the stress I’m under right now! I can’t even think about work with everything going on with my mom. It’s looking like we will have to move her into assisted living because I...

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Courageous Beginnings: 10 Reasons to Start Therapy Today

New Beginnings

Do I need therapy? How can therapy help me?  If you’ve ever asked these questions, you’re not alone. Therapy is one of those words with many preconceived ideas attached to it. Some think therapy is only for people with severe mental health diagnoses. Others think therapy is only for crises or processing major life events. And some think therapy is a sign of weakness. I hope to offer some brief thoughts on the value of therapy, and some reasons to start therapy today. “There will be moments when you bloom fully and then wilt, only to bloom again. If we can learn anything from flowers it is that resilience is born even when we feel like we are dying.” These...

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Dear Parents: Get Over Yourselves

parents

Did I get your attention?  You might be wondering what this blog is about.  It’s been heavy on my heart over the past few years in my practice that so many teenagers don’t get the support or help they need because of their parents.  Even some teenage clients who have made it to counseling don’t improve because their parents make their child’s counseling about themselves or attempt to control it.  Today I’m going to talk bluntly about the importance of allowing your child to get the help they need—without making it about you. If you are the parent of a tween or teen, this blog is for you! Teens and Mental Health According to Mental Health America, Clinical Depression will...

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What is Intrusive Thought OCD?

OCD

When someone mentions OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), most of us probably have images of someone who washes their hands frequently or has to flip a light switch on and off a certain number of times when they enter a room.  While these traits are definitely OCD symptoms, it’s important to note there are so many different subtypes of OCD.  OCD causes individuals to have disturbing thoughts (obsessions), and then to behave in a certain way because of these thoughts (compulsions). Today I’m going to discuss Intrusive Thought OCD and some of the different subtypes under it.  These subtypes are all about having thoughts or images that are scary or seem threatening (intrusive thoughts).  While the individual does not want to experience...

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