Procrastination 101

Effects of procrastination

Nothing exposes my procrastination quite like the holiday season. Every year I have aspirations of getting my gift shopping done earlier and sending cute family Christmas cards in the mail. I tell myself, this Christmas I’m going to be on top of things. Yet, despite my noble intentions, here we are…another Christmas is quickly approaching and I still have gifts to buy and no cards to send.  While the holiday season seems to magnify my procrastination, the truth is that procrastination creeps its way into my best-laid plans and ambitions year-round. My hunch is that I’m not alone.  Whether you find yourself putting off schoolwork, ignoring financial obligations, avoiding decisions, or postponing work projects, habitual procrastination can potentially lead to...

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From Comparative Suffering to Compassion

Showing Compassion

Let me paint a scene for you. Two friends (let’s call them Carrie and Melissa) are grabbing lunch together and here’s what their conversation sounds like:  Carrie: You won’t believe what happened in our staff meeting this morning. My boss just handed me a huge project that she wants done by the end of this week. I’ll have to stay late tomorrow night to finish it in time, which means I’m going to miss my daughter’s volleyball game.  Melissa: You think that’s bad?! You have no idea the stress I’m under right now! I can’t even think about work with everything going on with my mom. It’s looking like we will have to move her into assisted living because I...

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How to Survive the Highs and Lows of Therapy


If you’ve ever been to therapy, you know that sometimes it can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  Therapy can start off really good, but it can quickly take a nosedive.  Sometimes you feel relief, and then it turns to pain and grief. If you’ve not been to therapy before, consider yourself warned.  This isn’t meant to deter you from starting, but rather to be completely transparent about what therapy is and isn’t, and to give you realistic expectations. I once had a client come in for three sessions, and leave feeling on top of the world.  She would email me, and say things like, “This is wonderful, I feel so great, and I can’t believe I didn’t...

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How to Forgive Others and Release Yourself


We all have times where people we care about hurt us.  Sometimes these wounds are fleeting and temporary at the moment.  Other times the wounds we experience are long-lasting and detrimental to our development and functioning.  It’s not unusual for clients to come into my office holding onto past hurts from parents, siblings, friends/peers, bosses, coworkers, exes, spouses, and children.  What they don’t realize is that they have not been able to forgive the other person and move on.  Sometimes forgiveness is a process and requires intentionality. Today I hope to relay to you a method for forgiveness and healing.  It’s a way to work through the past hurt, validate your own feelings about what happened, and eventually move on...

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Do You Have Good Emotional Intelligence?

emotional intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (also called EQ) is a hot-button topic right now.  Emotional Intelligence is the ability to empathize with others, read the room, and also be in touch with your own emotions.  I’m going to talk about why Emotional Intelligence is so important, and how you can improve your EQ to be more successful. What is Emotional Intelligence? When you walk into a room, can you “read” the room?  Can you pick up on social cues from others?  Are you observant?  Can you imagine what it’s like to walk in another person’s shoes (empathize)?  Do you understand what emotions you feel and why?  If you can answer yes to these questions, you probably have high EQ. EQ is the ability...

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8 Reasons You’re Not Succeeding


Now that we’re a few weeks into the New Year, it’s a great time to reflect on what is/is not working in your life.  If you’re feeling stuck, stagnant, and in a season where there’s no progress, I would invite you to read this blog.  There are many reasons why you may not be succeeding, and you have the power to make some change.  Here are some suggestions to help you achieve personal growth and success this year: 1.You’re the smartest person in the room The smartest and most successful people in the world know that they have to surround themselves with people who challenge them.  Presidents have staff members, business owners have board members, and celebrities have teams of...

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Where Does Shame Come From?


Shame is a very hot-button topic right now.   Researchers like Brene Brown are taking a topic that was once so secretive and making it normal dinner conversation.  The interesting thing about shame is, the more you talk about it, the more its power over you diminishes. I often have clients ask me where their shame came from.  More often than not, it comes from your family of origin and upbringing.  It can be caused by bullying, unhealthy parenting, or chronic embarrassment. Messages like “You’re not good enough”, “You’re stupid”, or “You’re bad” (whether actually verbalized or implied) can create shame.  These messages create a negative self-talk in your head, that convinces you that you’re a failure and you’ll never be...

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Is Fear Driving Your Life?


Fear is a natural emotion given to us to help us survive.  However, it can also be taken to an extreme, where it dictates your life and interferes with your functioning.  Fear can become dysfunctional and harmful when it comes from trauma, cognitive distortions, mental illness, shame, an unhealthy upbringing, or perfectionism. Fear is both a positive and negative emotion.  It’s positive in that it sends a “Danger! Alert!” warning to our brains when something seems off.  Its purpose is to keep us alive.  Sometimes we will experience a gut feeling or intuition that tells us something is wrong, even if we don’t have all of the information. Fear is also a negative emotion, in that it holds us back. ...

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