From Comparative Suffering to Compassion

Showing Compassion

Let me paint a scene for you. Two friends (let’s call them Carrie and Melissa) are grabbing lunch together and here’s what their conversation sounds like:  Carrie: You won’t believe what happened in our staff meeting this morning. My boss just handed me a huge project that she wants done by the end of this week. I’ll have to stay late tomorrow night to finish it in time, which means I’m going to miss my daughter’s volleyball game.  Melissa: You think that’s bad?! You have no idea the stress I’m under right now! I can’t even think about work with everything going on with my mom. It’s looking like we will have to move her into assisted living because I...

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How to Heal After a Break-Up


Breaks-ups are hard and they are painful.  So often people just want us to move on, forget about the other person, and drown our sorrows in a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  But if you’ve ever been through a bad break-up, you know those things are impossible, and that ice cream only puts a temporary Band-Aid on your hurt. Today I’m going to talk about moving on after a difficult break-up.  I know these words may not “fix” how you feel, but I hope that they give you some validation and hope that things will be better eventually.  I also want to provide you with some simple tips to help cope with your big feelings and pain right...

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How to Love Yourself

love yourself

Happy Valentine’s Day from Journey to Joy!  As wonderful as this Hallmark holiday full of love can be, it can also be really painful for some.  Sometimes expectations are not met, no effort is made, and you may feel hurt, let down, or disappointed.  It’s hard to be single this week, and it’s hard to be in a relationship/married if you have a partner that doesn’t try.  If you feel sad about this week, it’s okay.  You aren't alone. What I want to remind you, is that you have to take care of you.  This blog is not about others loving you, it is about you learning to love yourself. A lot of people struggle with loving themselves.  We are...

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Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Propose


We are coming into the holiday season, which means that lots of people will be getting engaged soon.  If you plan to propose soon or believe your partner may be, I want you to take a second to consider if this is the right fit for you, or even the right time.  In a time period where the divorce rate for first marriages is 50% and rising, you want to make sure you are making the right decision for both of you. As someone who works with a lot of couples in many different stages of relationships (dating, engaged, married, divorcing), I meet a lot of couples who rushed into marriage without understanding the commitment they were making.  My hope...

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All about the Enneagram Types

enneagram types

If you are a reader, or interested in psychology at all, you’ve probably heard of the Enneagram.  The Enneagram is comprised of 9 different personality types that explain a person’s worldview.  It also explains what motivates them, their personality characteristics, and how they relate to others.  The 9 Enneagram types are numbered one through nine and are arranged on a chart like a nonagram--a 9-pointed figure. The Enneagram not only discusses the good parts of a person’s personality, but also the “flaws”, fears, and sinful tendencies that each number may struggle with.  It also helps a person identify ways to improve themselves by identifying what they struggle with at their core. The Enneagram is becoming more and more well-known.  It’s...

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Do You Have Adult ADHD?

adult ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (also known as ADHD) is commonly diagnosed in children.  However, it’s also extremely common for adults to be diagnosed with Adult ADHD.  In the past, ADHD was overlooked or misdiagnosed, and so there are many adults who have it, yet have never been properly identified.  Other adults may have adult-onset ADHD, meaning it did not occur until they were older. Today I’m going to discuss ADHD symptoms, types, and treatment.  My hope is that if you identify with or relate to any of the following, that you may be able to pursue some help. Adult ADHD Symptoms ADHD symptoms can include lack of organization, losing things, and impulsive behavior (spending money, making rash decisions, etc.).  It...

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Are You in an Enmeshed Relationship?

enmeshed relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship that controls you?  Have you ever put someone else’s wants and needs before your own?  Is it possible that you have lost your own sense of identity?  Do you feel guilt and angst over letting another person down?  If so, you may be in an enmeshed relationship. What is Enmeshment? When you are enmeshed with someone, you can become consumed with the other person.  There are no clear boundaries within the relationship, and any boundaries that do exist are permeable.  It’s very common for a lot of over-sharing to occur in an enmeshed relationship.  It may be impossible for each person to have their own individuality and instead feel defined by the relationship. ...

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How to Speak Your Child’s Love Language

love language children

Just like adults, kids also love to be shown love in their preferred Love Language.  A Love Language is a term to describe the ways that we enjoy receiving love and also showing it to others.  When you are purposeful in speaking your child’s Love Language, you are sending the messages of “I get you”, “You’re important to me” and “I see you”.  Sometimes it can be hard to speak your child’s language if it is different than your own, and you have to really be intentional. Today I’m going to discuss the 5 Love Languages as they pertain to children.  My hope is to give you some things to think about, implement, and some resources to help you learn...

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What is Counterdependency, and how is it Related to Codependency?


If you’ve not heard of Counterdependency, you’re actually not alone.  Most people I encounter have never heard of this pattern of behavior, which is in a similar yet opposite realm of Codependency.  It’s important to note that Counterdependency can be just as detrimental to relationships as Codependency.  So before I talk about Counterdependency, let’s talk about Codependency. What is Codependency? Codependency is a pattern of unhealthy behaviors relating to rescuing others.  Codependents struggle to say “no” due to feeling guilty or that they are letting others down.  They will over-extend themselves to make others happy.  They are people-pleasers.  Codependents have poor boundaries and take on other’s problems and emotions.  They will over-involve themselves in order to “help” others.  They neglect...

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What to do when it’s Hard to Make Friends


Let’s face it—it was soooooo much easier to make friends when we were little.  Our friendships back then were usually based on convenience.  For example, your friends were probably in your class at school, lived in your neighborhood, or went to your church.  We had instant access to our friends every day at school or at home.  We didn’t have to seek friends out. Even if you didn’t have a friend close by, all you had to do was say “hi” to someone on the playground, and you were instantly friends, even if only for the next 20 minutes.  Children approach friendships with innocence.  They haven’t been hurt, back-stabbed, or betrayed by friends.  They don’t understand quite yet that friendships...

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