Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Propose

propose

We are coming into the holiday season, which means that lots of people will be getting engaged soon.  If you plan to propose soon or believe your partner may be, I want you to take a second to consider if this is the right fit for you, or even the right time.  In a time period where the divorce rate for first marriages is 50% and rising, you want to make sure you are making the right decision for both of you. As someone who works with a lot of couples in many different stages of relationships (dating, engaged, married, divorcing), I meet a lot of couples who rushed into marriage without understanding the commitment they were making.  My hope...

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All about the Enneagram Types

enneagram types

If you are a reader, or interested in psychology at all, you’ve probably heard of the Enneagram.  The Enneagram is comprised of 9 different personality types that explain a person’s worldview.  It also explains what motivates them, their personality characteristics, and how they relate to others.  The 9 Enneagram types are numbered one through nine and are arranged on a chart like a nonagram--a 9-pointed figure. The Enneagram not only discusses the good parts of a person’s personality, but also the “flaws”, fears, and sinful tendencies that each number may struggle with.  It also helps a person identify ways to improve themselves by identifying what they struggle with at their core. The Enneagram is becoming more and more well-known.  It’s...

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Do You Have Adult ADHD?

adult ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (also known as ADHD) is commonly diagnosed in children.  However, it’s also extremely common for adults to be diagnosed with Adult ADHD.  In the past, ADHD was overlooked or misdiagnosed, and so there are many adults who have it, yet have never been properly identified.  Other adults may have adult-onset ADHD, meaning it did not occur until they were older. Today I’m going to discuss ADHD symptoms, types, and treatment.  My hope is that if you identify with or relate to any of the following, that you may be able to pursue some help. Adult ADHD Symptoms ADHD symptoms can include lack of organization, losing things, and impulsive behavior (spending money, making rash decisions, etc.).  It...

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Are You in an Enmeshed Relationship?

enmeshed relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship that controls you?  Have you ever put someone else’s wants and needs before your own?  Is it possible that you have lost your own sense of identity?  Do you feel guilt and angst over letting another person down?  If so, you may be in an enmeshed relationship. What is Enmeshment? When you are enmeshed with someone, you can become consumed with the other person.  There are no clear boundaries within the relationship, and any boundaries that do exist are permeable.  It’s very common for a lot of over-sharing to occur in an enmeshed relationship.  It may be impossible for each person to have their own individuality and instead feel defined by the relationship. ...

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How to Speak Your Child’s Love Language

love language children

Just like adults, kids also love to be shown love in their preferred Love Language.  A Love Language is a term to describe the ways that we enjoy receiving love and also showing it to others.  When you are purposeful in speaking your child’s Love Language, you are sending the messages of “I get you”, “You’re important to me” and “I see you”.  Sometimes it can be hard to speak your child’s language if it is different than your own, and you have to really be intentional. Today I’m going to discuss the 5 Love Languages as they pertain to children.  My hope is to give you some things to think about, implement, and some resources to help you learn...

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What is Counterdependency, and how is it Related to Codependency?

Counterdependency

If you’ve not heard of Counterdependency, you’re actually not alone.  Most people I encounter have never heard of this pattern of behavior, which is in a similar yet opposite realm of Codependency.  It’s important to note that Counterdependency can be just as detrimental to relationships as Codependency.  So before I talk about Counterdependency, let’s talk about Codependency. What is Codependency? Codependency is a pattern of unhealthy behaviors relating to rescuing others.  Codependents struggle to say “no” due to feeling guilty or that they are letting others down.  They will over-extend themselves to make others happy.  They are people-pleasers.  Codependents have poor boundaries and take on other’s problems and emotions.  They will over-involve themselves in order to “help” others.  They neglect...

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What to do when it’s Hard to Make Friends

Friends

Let’s face it—it was soooooo much easier to make friends when we were little.  Our friendships back then were usually based on convenience.  For example, your friends were probably in your class at school, lived in your neighborhood, or went to your church.  We had instant access to our friends every day at school or at home.  We didn’t have to seek friends out. Even if you didn’t have a friend close by, all you had to do was say “hi” to someone on the playground, and you were instantly friends, even if only for the next 20 minutes.  Children approach friendships with innocence.  They haven’t been hurt, back-stabbed, or betrayed by friends.  They don’t understand quite yet that friendships...

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What is SYMBIS for Marriage, and Why is it Important?

SYMBIS premarital counseling Carmel Indiana

I’m very excited to announce that I recently became a certified instructor for SYMBIS.  SYMBIS stands for Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts.  It is an evidenced-based premarital counseling tool developed by authors and therapists Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. What is SYMBIS? SYMBIS is an online tool that allows engaged or newly married couples (or even couples who have been married for a while!) to log on individually and take an assessment.  The assessment has many questions about personality, upbringing, attitudes towards money, sex, and much, much more.  It then creates a print out with the results.  I receive the results and set up a minimum of 6 sessions to go over any strengths, weaknesses, or caution flags that...

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12 Toxic Habits That Kill Relationships

habits

We all have unhealthy habits in our romantic relationships or marriages.  However, there are definitely some behaviors that are considered more “toxic” or dangerous to the relationship long-term.  If you find yourself or your partner falling into any of the following habits, you may want to consider reaching out for help!  Many of the habits listed below could lead to major issues and a toxic relationship between the two of you. Control Do you have equal power in your relationship?  There are a few reasons why this is important.  One, you need to have equal say and decision-making power.  Two, your relationship is a team.  If you find yourself having less than 50% power, it may be time to re-evaluate....

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10 Easy Ways to Increase Intimacy

intimacy

It can be very difficult after so much time together to keep intimacy as a priority.  Between kids, your career, extra-curricular activities, and running a household, oftentimes intimacy can easily get put on the back burner.  If you find yourself in a rut, I want to suggest a few ways to improve your communication and work towards better intimacy.  It can improve with intentionality and time! First, let’s define what intimacy is and isn’t.  Intimacy is sex, but that’s not all.  Intimacy is the deep, emotional connection you have with your partner.  It’s the stability, the comfort, and the familiar.  Intimacy is knowing each other inside and out, and accepting each other—flaws and all!  Intimacy makes a healthy sexual life...

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