Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Relationships & Triggers

Couple experiencing attachment issues in relationship

If you have been following along in our most recent blogs, we have been talking all about attachment theory. In the last blog, I introduced the four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. In today’s blog we will expound on how each attachment style manifests in relationships. And just for clarity, I mean all relationships—relationships between spouses, between friends, between co-workers. No relationship is exempt. Additionally, we will explore common attachment triggers and how insecure attachment styles can move toward secure attachment.  Manifestations of Attachment Styles in Relationships  Secure Attachment  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships according to attachment theory. Securely attached adults are aware of their own emotions and emotional needs. They have established ways of...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Attachment Styles

Attachment styles and forming relationships

In our previous blog, we started an exploration of attachment theory. I gave a very brief overview of the origins of attachment theory and introduced the notion that attachment styles act as interpretative lenses through which we view our relationships.  Today we are going to unpack each attachment style in more depth. For each of the attachment styles, we will explore its development, core beliefs, and common characteristics.  Secure Attachment Style According to The Attachment Project, the secure attachment style is the most common type of attachment in western society—suggesting approximately 66% of the U.S. population is securely attached.  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships.  Development  All infants are born with innate needs that they cannot satisfy on...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: The Basics

Early attachment with parents

Have you ever wondered why you repeatedly overanalyze interactions with other people? Or why you and your spouse have repeatedly argued over your tendency to downplay relationship milestones? Or why you constantly send text messages to your best friend to make sure they aren’t mad at you?  All of these behaviors can be traced back to attachment.  Today’s blog is the first in a series of blogs where we will explore attachment theory. Attachment theory offers valuable insight about ourselves and how we form relationships. Let’s dive in to the origins of attachment theory and its significance to counseling.  Attachment Theory  Famously known as the first attachment theorist, British psychologist John Bowlby wanted to understand how the earliest emotional bonds...

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Why Premarital Counseling Should Be In Your Wedding Budget

premarital counseling

According to a CNN report published in June of 2023, the national average wedding cost was $29,000. Wedding vendors are expected to increase their prices to meet economic demands, causing the overall cost of weddings to rise in 2024.  If you or someone you know is engaged and preparing for marriage, consider the value premarital counseling can have on the marriage beyond the wedding day. I’m not saying that the other expenses involved in planning a wedding are frivolous—my husband and I don’t regret the things we chose to invest in for our big day.  What I am saying is that allocating a portion of funds toward premarital counseling is an investment worth making during your engagement season! Premarital counseling...

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From Comparative Suffering to Compassion

Showing Compassion

Let me paint a scene for you. Two friends (let’s call them Carrie and Melissa) are grabbing lunch together and here’s what their conversation sounds like:  Carrie: You won’t believe what happened in our staff meeting this morning. My boss just handed me a huge project that she wants done by the end of this week. I’ll have to stay late tomorrow night to finish it in time, which means I’m going to miss my daughter’s volleyball game.  Melissa: You think that’s bad?! You have no idea the stress I’m under right now! I can’t even think about work with everything going on with my mom. It’s looking like we will have to move her into assisted living because I...

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How to Heal After a Break-Up

break-up

Breaks-ups are hard and they are painful.  So often people just want us to move on, forget about the other person, and drown our sorrows in a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  But if you’ve ever been through a bad break-up, you know those things are impossible, and that ice cream only puts a temporary Band-Aid on your hurt. Today I’m going to talk about moving on after a difficult break-up.  I know these words may not “fix” how you feel, but I hope that they give you some validation and hope that things will be better eventually.  I also want to provide you with some simple tips to help cope with your big feelings and pain right...

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How to Love Yourself

love yourself

Happy Valentine’s Day from Journey to Joy!  As wonderful as this Hallmark holiday full of love can be, it can also be really painful for some.  Sometimes expectations are not met, no effort is made, and you may feel hurt, let down, or disappointed.  It’s hard to be single this week, and it’s hard to be in a relationship/married if you have a partner that doesn’t try.  If you feel sad about this week, it’s okay.  You aren't alone. What I want to remind you, is that you have to take care of you.  This blog is not about others loving you, it is about you learning to love yourself. A lot of people struggle with loving themselves.  We are...

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Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Propose

propose

We are coming into the holiday season, which means that lots of people will be getting engaged soon.  If you plan to propose soon or believe your partner may be, I want you to take a second to consider if this is the right fit for you, or even the right time.  In a time period where the divorce rate for first marriages is 50% and rising, you want to make sure you are making the right decision for both of you. As someone who works with a lot of couples in many different stages of relationships (dating, engaged, married, divorcing), I meet a lot of couples who rushed into marriage without understanding the commitment they were making.  My hope...

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All about the Enneagram Types

enneagram types

If you are a reader, or interested in psychology at all, you’ve probably heard of the Enneagram.  The Enneagram is comprised of 9 different personality types that explain a person’s worldview.  It also explains what motivates them, their personality characteristics, and how they relate to others.  The 9 Enneagram types are numbered one through nine and are arranged on a chart like a nonagram--a 9-pointed figure. The Enneagram not only discusses the good parts of a person’s personality, but also the “flaws”, fears, and sinful tendencies that each number may struggle with.  It also helps a person identify ways to improve themselves by identifying what they struggle with at their core. The Enneagram is becoming more and more well-known.  It’s...

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Do You Have Adult ADHD?

adult ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (also known as ADHD) is commonly diagnosed in children.  However, it’s also extremely common for adults to be diagnosed with Adult ADHD.  In the past, ADHD was overlooked or misdiagnosed, and so there are many adults who have it, yet have never been properly identified.  Other adults may have adult-onset ADHD, meaning it did not occur until they were older. Today I’m going to discuss ADHD symptoms, types, and treatment.  My hope is that if you identify with or relate to any of the following, that you may be able to pursue some help. Adult ADHD Symptoms ADHD symptoms can include lack of organization, losing things, and impulsive behavior (spending money, making rash decisions, etc.).  It...

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