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Tag: feelings

Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Relationships & Triggers

March 6, 2024
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| Attachment, Communication, Counseling, Relationships, Uncategorized
Couple experiencing attachment issues in relationship

If you have been following along in our most recent blogs, we have been talking all about attachment theory. In the last blog, I introduced the four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. In today’s blog we will expound on how each attachment style manifests in relationships. And just for clarity, I mean all relationships—relationships between spouses, between friends, between co-workers. No relationship is exempt. Additionally, we will explore common attachment triggers and how insecure attachment styles can move toward secure attachment.  Manifestations of Attachment Styles in Relationships  Secure Attachment  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships according to attachment theory. Securely attached adults are aware of their own emotions and emotional needs. They have established ways of...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Attachment Styles

February 21, 2024
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| Attachment, Mental Health, Relationships, Uncategorized
Attachment styles and forming relationships

In our previous blog, we started an exploration of attachment theory. I gave a very brief overview of the origins of attachment theory and introduced the notion that attachment styles act as interpretative lenses through which we view our relationships.  Today we are going to unpack each attachment style in more depth. For each of the attachment styles, we will explore its development, core beliefs, and common characteristics.  Secure Attachment Style According to The Attachment Project, the secure attachment style is the most common type of attachment in western society—suggesting approximately 66% of the U.S. population is securely attached.  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships.  Development  All infants are born with innate needs that they cannot satisfy on...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: The Basics

February 7, 2024
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| Attachment, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-Esteem
Early attachment with parents

Have you ever wondered why you repeatedly overanalyze interactions with other people? Or why you and your spouse have repeatedly argued over your tendency to downplay relationship milestones? Or why you constantly send text messages to your best friend to make sure they aren’t mad at you?  All of these behaviors can be traced back to attachment.  Today’s blog is the first in a series of blogs where we will explore attachment theory. Attachment theory offers valuable insight about ourselves and how we form relationships. Let’s dive in to the origins of attachment theory and its significance to counseling.  Attachment Theory  Famously known as the first attachment theorist, British psychologist John Bowlby wanted to understand how the earliest emotional bonds...

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Procrastination 101

December 13, 2023
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| Feelings, Goals, Mental Health
Effects of procrastination

Nothing exposes my procrastination quite like the holiday season. Every year I have aspirations of getting my gift shopping done earlier and sending cute family Christmas cards in the mail. I tell myself, this Christmas I’m going to be on top of things. Yet, despite my noble intentions, here we are…another Christmas is quickly approaching and I still have gifts to buy and no cards to send.  While the holiday season seems to magnify my procrastination, the truth is that procrastination creeps its way into my best-laid plans and ambitions year-round. My hunch is that I’m not alone.  Whether you find yourself putting off schoolwork, ignoring financial obligations, avoiding decisions, or postponing work projects, habitual procrastination can potentially lead to...

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Where Does Shame Come From?

December 13, 2017
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| Feelings, Shame
shame

Shame is a very hot-button topic right now.   Researchers like Brene Brown are taking a topic that was once so secretive and making it normal dinner conversation.  The interesting thing about shame is, the more you talk about it, the more its power over you diminishes. I often have clients ask me where their shame came from.  More often than not, it comes from your family of origin and upbringing.  It can be caused by bullying, unhealthy parenting, or chronic embarrassment. Messages like “You’re not good enough”, “You’re stupid”, or “You’re bad” (whether actually verbalized or implied) can create shame.  These messages create a negative self-talk in your head, that convinces you that you’re a failure and you’ll never be...

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