Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Relationships & Triggers

Couple experiencing attachment issues in relationship

If you have been following along in our most recent blogs, we have been talking all about attachment theory. In the last blog, I introduced the four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. In today’s blog we will expound on how each attachment style manifests in relationships. And just for clarity, I mean all relationships—relationships between spouses, between friends, between co-workers. No relationship is exempt. Additionally, we will explore common attachment triggers and how insecure attachment styles can move toward secure attachment.  Manifestations of Attachment Styles in Relationships  Secure Attachment  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships according to attachment theory. Securely attached adults are aware of their own emotions and emotional needs. They have established ways of...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: Attachment Styles

Attachment styles and forming relationships

In our previous blog, we started an exploration of attachment theory. I gave a very brief overview of the origins of attachment theory and introduced the notion that attachment styles act as interpretative lenses through which we view our relationships.  Today we are going to unpack each attachment style in more depth. For each of the attachment styles, we will explore its development, core beliefs, and common characteristics.  Secure Attachment Style According to The Attachment Project, the secure attachment style is the most common type of attachment in western society—suggesting approximately 66% of the U.S. population is securely attached.  Secure attachment is the aim of healthy relationships.  Development  All infants are born with innate needs that they cannot satisfy on...

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Let’s Talk About Attachment Theory: The Basics

Early attachment with parents

Have you ever wondered why you repeatedly overanalyze interactions with other people? Or why you and your spouse have repeatedly argued over your tendency to downplay relationship milestones? Or why you constantly send text messages to your best friend to make sure they aren’t mad at you?  All of these behaviors can be traced back to attachment.  Today’s blog is the first in a series of blogs where we will explore attachment theory. Attachment theory offers valuable insight about ourselves and how we form relationships. Let’s dive in to the origins of attachment theory and its significance to counseling.  Attachment Theory  Famously known as the first attachment theorist, British psychologist John Bowlby wanted to understand how the earliest emotional bonds...

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Why Premarital Counseling Should Be In Your Wedding Budget

premarital counseling

According to a CNN report published in June of 2023, the national average wedding cost was $29,000. Wedding vendors are expected to increase their prices to meet economic demands, causing the overall cost of weddings to rise in 2024.  If you or someone you know is engaged and preparing for marriage, consider the value premarital counseling can have on the marriage beyond the wedding day. I’m not saying that the other expenses involved in planning a wedding are frivolous—my husband and I don’t regret the things we chose to invest in for our big day.  What I am saying is that allocating a portion of funds toward premarital counseling is an investment worth making during your engagement season! Premarital counseling...

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Procrastination 101

Effects of procrastination

Nothing exposes my procrastination quite like the holiday season. Every year I have aspirations of getting my gift shopping done earlier and sending cute family Christmas cards in the mail. I tell myself, this Christmas I’m going to be on top of things. Yet, despite my noble intentions, here we are…another Christmas is quickly approaching and I still have gifts to buy and no cards to send.  While the holiday season seems to magnify my procrastination, the truth is that procrastination creeps its way into my best-laid plans and ambitions year-round. My hunch is that I’m not alone.  Whether you find yourself putting off schoolwork, ignoring financial obligations, avoiding decisions, or postponing work projects, habitual procrastination can potentially lead to...

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From Comparative Suffering to Compassion

Showing Compassion

Let me paint a scene for you. Two friends (let’s call them Carrie and Melissa) are grabbing lunch together and here’s what their conversation sounds like:  Carrie: You won’t believe what happened in our staff meeting this morning. My boss just handed me a huge project that she wants done by the end of this week. I’ll have to stay late tomorrow night to finish it in time, which means I’m going to miss my daughter’s volleyball game.  Melissa: You think that’s bad?! You have no idea the stress I’m under right now! I can’t even think about work with everything going on with my mom. It’s looking like we will have to move her into assisted living because I...

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Courageous Beginnings: 10 Reasons to Start Therapy Today

New Beginnings

Do I need therapy? How can therapy help me?  If you’ve ever asked these questions, you’re not alone. Therapy is one of those words with many preconceived ideas attached to it. Some think therapy is only for people with severe mental health diagnoses. Others think therapy is only for crises or processing major life events. And some think therapy is a sign of weakness. I hope to offer some brief thoughts on the value of therapy, and some reasons to start therapy today. “There will be moments when you bloom fully and then wilt, only to bloom again. If we can learn anything from flowers it is that resilience is born even when we feel like we are dying.” These...

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12 Toxic Habits That Kill Relationships

habits

We all have unhealthy habits in our romantic relationships or marriages.  However, there are definitely some behaviors that are considered more “toxic” or dangerous to the relationship long-term.  If you find yourself or your partner falling into any of the following habits, you may want to consider reaching out for help!  Many of the habits listed below could lead to major issues and a toxic relationship between the two of you. Control Do you have equal power in your relationship?  There are a few reasons why this is important.  One, you need to have equal say and decision-making power.  Two, your relationship is a team.  If you find yourself having less than 50% power, it may be time to re-evaluate....

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10 Easy Ways to Increase Intimacy

intimacy

It can be very difficult after so much time together to keep intimacy as a priority.  Between kids, your career, extra-curricular activities, and running a household, oftentimes intimacy can easily get put on the back burner.  If you find yourself in a rut, I want to suggest a few ways to improve your communication and work towards better intimacy.  It can improve with intentionality and time! First, let’s define what intimacy is and isn’t.  Intimacy is sex, but that’s not all.  Intimacy is the deep, emotional connection you have with your partner.  It’s the stability, the comfort, and the familiar.  Intimacy is knowing each other inside and out, and accepting each other—flaws and all!  Intimacy makes a healthy sexual life...

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What are The 5 Love Languages?

The 5 Love Languages

Happy Valentine’s Day from Journey to Joy!  Since love is in the air, today I’m going to talk about ways to improve your relationships and love your partner better.  Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a very popular book called The 5 Love Languages.  The 5 Love Languages include Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Gifts.  The premise behind the 5 Love Languages is that we all have 1 (sometimes 2) ways that we prefer to show love and be shown love by others.  This is very important information to know about yourself and your partner, because you may not be on the same page.  Here is what the 5 Love Languages look like: Acts of Service...

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